silly state law saturday: ohio

Happy Saturday, and welcome to another set of ridiculous animal laws. I think Ohio takes the prize for "most animal laws." I can't believe how many regulations came up for this state! Who knew that Ohio took their animal laws so seriously? Let's get to it.

• It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. This seems to be a common theme among landlocked states. Is there something we don't know?

• It is illegal to get a fish drunk. First of all, do fish drink? I'm stuck on that.

• In Akron, it is illegal to display colored chickens for sale. Apparently white chickens are just fine to display for sale. Where are the anti-discrimination laws when you need them?

• In Bay Village, it is illegal to walk a cow down Lake Road. Perhaps the sidewalks are too narrow. 

• In Canton, electric fences are banned. I can live with that.

• Also in Canton, if one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour. And not a minute later. Perhaps if electric fences were permitted, people wouldn't be losing their tigers all the time. Think it through.

• In Cleveland, it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license. This takes animal rights to a whole new level. But I like it. Must we also have a driver's license to ride a tricycle?

• In Lowell, it is unlawful to run a horse over five miles per hour. So I guess that means horse racing is out?

• In McDonald, your duck may not be paraded down Ohio Avenue. It's so demeaning, that parade-participating duck work. 

• In Oxford, horn honking is not permitted, as it might scare horses. And if they are frightened enough, they may just scurry away at six miles an hour or more and be subject to a whole host of trouble.

• In Paulding, a policeman may bite a dog to quiet him. Has this proven effective? And do hairballs interfere with job performance?

• In Toledo, throwing a snake at anyone is illegal. Are we talking live snakes only, or are rubber snakes included? 

• In Marysville, it is illegal for a dog to urinate on a parking meter. Tell that to the dog.

• In Centerville, cars are not allowed to scare horses. So no honking...got it. Now engine revving and loud music are out, too? I need specifics.

• It is against the law to kill a housefly within 160 feet of a church without a license. Where do I obtain said license? I most definitely will need my near-to-house-of-worship-fly-swatting permit upon immediate arrival in Ohio. Especially with all the loitering horses.

• Fowl are not allowed access into bakeries. We don't want them eating all the donuts, now.

• In University Heights, pigeons have been declared a public menace. But flies and mice are cool.

• A driver must slow down when requested to do so by a person on a horse. Whoa. When I come back as a horse, I'm doing so in Ohio.

• In University Heights, it's against the law to keep swine within 500 feet of a neighbor. No backyard BBQs here!

• Placing a dead animal in a spring or brook is a crime. Try the ocean. Where the whales are.

• A restaurant serving horsemeat must display a sign that says "horsemeat served here." Because restaurants who serve horsemeat are likely the type to be upfront about these things.

• A seeing eye dog is not entitled to his own seat. Seems it's better to be a horse in Ohio.

• In Kelley's Island, it is a crime to throw things at a police dog. Like steak. Don't throw steak in order to make a clean getaway.

• Garbage fed to swine must first be cooked. Again. It's amazing how the standards for cooking food for farm animals in most states is higher than the standards we hold for humans.

• It is a crime to cut off the tail of a horse. Yet ear cropping for dogs is a-okay? Where do they come up with this stuff?

• It is against the law to taunt a service dog. But if you're a policeman, you can bite him. 

• Persons riding animals on a highway must obey traffic laws. Especially the 5 mph speed limit.

• It is illegal to shoot a carrier pigeon. I must know how a layperson distinguishes a carrier pigeon from a menacing pigeon.

• Stallions can't have sex with mares within 30 feet of a public street. Good luck moving them. Neigh.

Join us next week when we travel to Oklahoma! O.K.!

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com, dumblaws.com, and realstrangelaws.com.

silly state law saturday: north dakota

I know some people from North Dakota, and they seem like totally regular, nice, people. Great friends of mine, actually. Based on this sampling of laws from their home state, perhaps I should investigate further.

• It is illegal to keep an elk in a sandbox in your backyard. Well that's understandable. I've never seen a sand box big enough for an elk. Those guys are huge. Really, it would be inhumane. 

• Kangaroo boxing is a crime. This ain't the outback, mate.

• In Minot, it is unlawful to indecently exhibit a studhorse. Please. Put it away. No one wants to see that.

• It is illegal to own feral swine. In Arizona, we have a huge feral cat problem, but feral swine? You learn something every day.

• In Devil's Lake, it's a crime to expose copulating animals. For heaven's sake, leave the shades drawn.

• In Grand Forks, it is a crime to assault a police dog. So as long as the pooch isn't wearing a badge, we're good to go?

• In Grand Forks, it is a crime to break into a dog pound. Pardon me, but I was under the impression that it was illegal to break in anywhere in any state. Criminals, North Dakota is the place to be! Just stay away from the pounds.

• In Grand Forks, a person can be prosecuted for failing to confine a dog in heat. It's always the woman's fault.

Please come back next week when we check out ridiculous animal laws in Ohio!

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com, dumblaws.com, and realstrangelaws.com.

silly state law saturday: north carolina

I have been to North Carolina, but I never knew about these strange-but-true animal laws. Some of the best, yet, if you ask me. "Best" meaning "odd," of course, as that's really what we're after.

• It is against the law for anyone to keep "fowl that shall cackle," or for anyone to play the piccolo between the hours of 11:00 p.m. and 7:30 a.m. I suppose these two go together, in a sense. Perhaps if we just get the fowl their own clocks, the will be better able to determine the appropriate time to cackle. And the late night raging piccolo players? They're on their own.

• In Raleigh, before a man asks for a woman's hand in marriage, he must be "inspected by all the barnyard animals on the young woman's family's property, to ensure a harmonious farm life." I love this. Who among us hasn't cast doubt upon a person our dog didn't approve of. Totally valid method. Should have thought of that twelve years ago (just kidding, honey).

• In Rocky Mount, you must pay a property tax on your dog. Must you also pay property tax on your woman?

• Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields. Corn fields are better choice. Much sturdier. 

• In Transylvania County, a Dalmation is deemed a "potentially dangerous" breed of dog. This takes breed-specific discrimination to a whole new level.

• All garbage fed to swine must first be thoroughly cooked. We've seen this in other states. Feeding raw food to pigs must be a real issue! I guess it's too much to ask them to decline.

• Llamas must be considered ordinary domestic livestock. So I guess that means no special treatment. Bummer.

• It is a crime for an owner not to kill a mad dog. Wow. Makes me wonder how this is defined. Seems like anyone could just shoot his dog and say it was mad. Ugh.

• In Barber, fights between cats and dogs are prohibited. Good luck enforcing that. I wonder if this applies to domestic disagreements within the four walls of one's own home.

• It is a crime if "any person owning or having any bitch shall knowingly permit her to run at large during the erotic stage of copulation." I'm not quite sure how she could physically run at large during the erotic stage of copulation. I'm hoping that this is, indeed, an animal law. Maybe it's best I just put this out of my head and move on. I suggest you do the same.

We'll see you next week when we take a look at North Dakota!

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com, dumblaws.com, and realstrangelaws.com.

silly state law saturday: new york

Thanks so much for joining us for another round of Silly State Law Saturday. New Yorkers–especially those in the city–are known for their eccentricities. They make no mistake about that in their animal laws. 

• It is illegal to sell the fur of a cat. Apparently dog fur is a-okay. And what if it's just Furminated and not attached to skin? Can we sell that? I've always wanted a cat-fur sweater. A-choo!

• Tampering with a horse's tail earns you a year in jail. This makes me wonder about braids and bows. And general grooming. Plus, I don't know if you've ever messed with a horse's behind, but it usually earns you a swift kick in the ass. Never mind jail time. 

• Anyone harboring a reptile must insure public safety. I think New Yorkers may have watched Godzilla one to many times. Perhaps they should be more worried about primates.

• It is a crime to harm a seeing-eye dog. Isn't it a crime to harm any dog? I mean, three cheers for the service animals, but do we need this special designation?

• In Brooklyn, donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs. This is a pattern. No donkeys in bathtubs in major cities. We get it. Thanks.

• In New York City, it is illegal to shoot a rabbit from a moving trolley car. I haven't been to New York City in YEARS, but I can't recall ever seeing a trolley car. Or a rabbit. Or a hunter. 

• In New York City, you can teach your pet parrot to speak, but not to squawk. Because he naturally knows that. It's insulting to the parrot. 

• In New York City, littering streets with dead animals and offal is a crime. I had to look up the word "offal." Perhaps this is a common word, and I'm the only one that is clueless, but if any of you out there are wondering like I was, offal is "the entrails and internal organs of an animal." Lovely. This law will really deter those trolley-riding rabbit shooters.

• In New York City, it is illegal to dye a rabbit. Even if you take him to a fancy salon?

• In New York City, it is a crime to dye a baby chick. I have a feeling Easter in New York City is all kinds of fun.

• In New York City, it's illegal to clip the ear of a dog. Very well.

• In New York City, it is a crime to own an odd-toed ungulate or aardwolf. My son, Porter, taught me the word ungulate when he was two, so, proudly, I didn't have to look that one up, but I'm betting at least one of you doesn't know that word. Ungulate means "hoofed animal." But an odd-toed ungulate? Does that mean an ungulate with only one toe or three or seventeen is not permitted, but those with two or four are welcome. I'm going to have to do some more research on this, but I'm calling discrimination. And what about the aardwolf. Yeah, had to look that up. Turns out it's a "nocturnal black-striped African mammal of the hyena family, feeding mainly on termites." I'm thinking if New Yorkers thought outside the box and brought back the aardwolf, they could solve their pest control problems naturally. Oh, wait a second. Perhaps he is an odd-toed ungulate and therefore definitely out of the question. I'll get back to you on that.

Join us next week when we travel down south to North Carolina.  

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com, dumblaws.com, and realstrangelaws.com.

silly state law saturday: new mexico

I've never been to New Mexico, but it is our neighbor, and we have some great friends who recently moved there, so I'm sure it won't be long until I pay a visit. Happy to know how seriously they take their animal laws.

• In Deming, hunting is prohibited in Mountain View Cemetery. Because, aren't we all thinking about hunting when we visit a cemetery. First thing that pops in my mind.

• It is illegal to gamble on bicycle races, but not ostrich or camel racing. Bicycles deserve the same basic protective rights that so many other important beings enjoy. Except the ostrich and the camel. Definitely not them.

• It is a crime to kill a song bird. All birds, get to singing!

• It is against the law to trip a horse. New Mexico just takes the fun out of everything, don't they?

• All food fed to swine must first be cooked in government-approved facilities. Since the government is doing such a great job of maintaining the safety of the human food supply, I'm sure this is a great protection to the pigs.

• It is a crime for unregistered entities to feed garbage to swine. Where do I register?

• Harassing a fire dog is against the law. Well, naturally. Who in their right mind would do such a thing? Though, now that I think of it, I can produce a pretty accurate siren sound. Might be fun to see the reaction.

• It is a crime to hunt an animal and not consume its meat. Well, at least there's that. We all know how I feel about hunting.

• The sale of subhuman primates may be regulated by the Department of Health. That's just all kinds of insulting.

• Animals taken for rattlesnake roundups and lizard races are exempt from wildlife laws. So as long as I say "I'm stealing this camel for my rattlesnake roundup, and after we're done with that, he's my date to the lizard race," I'm free to swipe him? Just want to be clear on this. Oh–wait–they don't care about camels. Well, an ostrich, then. Oh...wait...that won't work, either...I'm so confused.

• Fees must be paid on commuting sheep. So does this mean the sheep have to pay to use the HOV lane on their way to work, or does this only apply to toll roads?

• It's a crime to shoot a cuckoo. I'm assuming they are referring to the bird, here.

A javelina is no joke. image source: texasbeyondhistory.net

• One who illegally kills a javelina can be fined $400. I've actually, truly, had these creatures on my doorstep multiple times. Here in the desert, they love the pumpkins we leave out at Halloween time, and they've even been known to munch my potted plants. They are strong and bold, deserving of protection. Though you're the one that might need protection if you cross the path of a javelina. So often this all goes back to natural consequences. 

• Hunting jaguar is prohibited. All other animals should convene at Mountain View Cemetery. 

Please join us next week when we take a look at New York.

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com, dumblaws.com, and realstrangelaws.com.