Happy Saturday, and welcome to another set of ridiculous animal laws. I think Ohio takes the prize for "most animal laws." I can't believe how many regulations came up for this state! Who knew that Ohio took their animal laws so seriously? Let's get to it.
• It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. This seems to be a common theme among landlocked states. Is there something we don't know?
• It is illegal to get a fish drunk. First of all, do fish drink? I'm stuck on that.
• In Akron, it is illegal to display colored chickens for sale. Apparently white chickens are just fine to display for sale. Where are the anti-discrimination laws when you need them?
• In Bay Village, it is illegal to walk a cow down Lake Road. Perhaps the sidewalks are too narrow.
• In Canton, electric fences are banned. I can live with that.
• Also in Canton, if one loses their pet tiger, they must notify the authorities within one hour. And not a minute later. Perhaps if electric fences were permitted, people wouldn't be losing their tigers all the time. Think it through.
• In Cleveland, it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license. This takes animal rights to a whole new level. But I like it. Must we also have a driver's license to ride a tricycle?
• In Lowell, it is unlawful to run a horse over five miles per hour. So I guess that means horse racing is out?
• In McDonald, your duck may not be paraded down Ohio Avenue. It's so demeaning, that parade-participating duck work.
• In Oxford, horn honking is not permitted, as it might scare horses. And if they are frightened enough, they may just scurry away at six miles an hour or more and be subject to a whole host of trouble.
• In Paulding, a policeman may bite a dog to quiet him. Has this proven effective? And do hairballs interfere with job performance?
• In Toledo, throwing a snake at anyone is illegal. Are we talking live snakes only, or are rubber snakes included?
• In Marysville, it is illegal for a dog to urinate on a parking meter. Tell that to the dog.
• In Centerville, cars are not allowed to scare horses. So no honking...got it. Now engine revving and loud music are out, too? I need specifics.
• It is against the law to kill a housefly within 160 feet of a church without a license. Where do I obtain said license? I most definitely will need my near-to-house-of-worship-fly-swatting permit upon immediate arrival in Ohio. Especially with all the loitering horses.
• Fowl are not allowed access into bakeries. We don't want them eating all the donuts, now.
• In University Heights, pigeons have been declared a public menace. But flies and mice are cool.
• A driver must slow down when requested to do so by a person on a horse. Whoa. When I come back as a horse, I'm doing so in Ohio.
• In University Heights, it's against the law to keep swine within 500 feet of a neighbor. No backyard BBQs here!
• Placing a dead animal in a spring or brook is a crime. Try the ocean. Where the whales are.
• A restaurant serving horsemeat must display a sign that says "horsemeat served here." Because restaurants who serve horsemeat are likely the type to be upfront about these things.
• A seeing eye dog is not entitled to his own seat. Seems it's better to be a horse in Ohio.
• In Kelley's Island, it is a crime to throw things at a police dog. Like steak. Don't throw steak in order to make a clean getaway.
• Garbage fed to swine must first be cooked. Again. It's amazing how the standards for cooking food for farm animals in most states is higher than the standards we hold for humans.
• It is a crime to cut off the tail of a horse. Yet ear cropping for dogs is a-okay? Where do they come up with this stuff?
• It is against the law to taunt a service dog. But if you're a policeman, you can bite him.
• Persons riding animals on a highway must obey traffic laws. Especially the 5 mph speed limit.
• It is illegal to shoot a carrier pigeon. I must know how a layperson distinguishes a carrier pigeon from a menacing pigeon.
• Stallions can't have sex with mares within 30 feet of a public street. Good luck moving them. Neigh.
Join us next week when we travel to Oklahoma! O.K.!
Law information source: stupidlaws.com, dumblaws.com, and realstrangelaws.com.