silly state law saturday: kentucky

So, Kentuky. You've made a pretty strong showing in so far as silly animal laws. Thanks for the laugh:

• All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating the at the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease. This seems like a logistical nightmare to me. I mean, since the bees are too small to carry all that documentation, they'll have to hire one of those people who can write the whole U.S. Constitution on a grain of rice. And that individual would also have to speak bee, so he or she knows what the bees need, and then people at the state line will probably need some special microscope to read it all. There must be a better way. 

• Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). Shouldn't reptiles enjoy the same freedom of religion the rest of us enjoy?

• Dogs and cats may not molest cars. A cat peed in my AC vent once. I'm feelin' ya on this one, Kentucky.

• In Berea, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a "bright" red taillight securely attached to it's rump. We've seen this law in other states, so I'm thinking it's a problem we should pay more attention to? Where do you get a horse tail light, anyway? I really don't think I want to know how it's attached.

• If someone steals your horse, there is a law that allows you to publicly hang the person and no law enforcement officer is allowed to stop you. Kentuckans (is that what they're called? All I can picture is a Turducken.) don't mess around. I wonder if there's a special hanging spot, or if you can just do it wherever you please. 

* It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow. Why would someone do that? It seems like the most inefficient way in the world to fish. I'll have to ask the teen thing about the physics of it all since he's enrolled in physics right now, but wouldn't the arrow go all wonky in the water? Just sayin'. Get a pole, people. Or, better yet, leave the fish alone. 

• It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale. What is it with all these land-locked states hunting whales? Is there some whale farm we don't know about? This might be a job for PETA.

• No one may dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once. I'm truly at a loss. WhAt? Just dye the poor fella green, if you're desperate to sell. Unless there is a sudden run on blue ducks, then you'd be best in business to dye the whole lot blue. Right? 

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com

silly state law saturday: kansas

I must say that aside from Dorothy's trip to Oz (I know, chiché), I had very little knowledge of Kansas. This activity taught me quite a lot! Did you know Kansas has an ocean? Me neither! Check it out:

• It is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours. I'm sure having only a graveyard shift really limits production.

• In Lawrence, all cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival. Because the car might spook them of course. Especially if they aren't honking. 

• In Dodge City, all places of business must provide a horse water trough. I bet that makes parking tricky.

• In Topeka, dead deer or chickens may not be hauled across Kansas Avenue. Other dead animals are fine, though, so feel free to drag your deceased pets through town.

• In Topeka, driving a herd of cattle through town is outlawed. Great news for shepherds. Less traffic.

• It is illegal to hunt whales. Um, we're still on Kansas, right? 

• No one may catch fish with his bare hands. Good thing whales aren't fish, because I say, if you can catch a whale with your bare hands in Kansas, you can do whatever you damn well please with him.

• No one may wear a bee in their hat. Oh, but why? And what about a bonnet? Does that count?

• Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats. When hunting in Kansas, we'll have to find more difficult challenges, I suppose. 

• The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks. So you're saying that time I rode my mule into the deep-dark duck forest in order to snag dinner I was an outlaw? Thank goodness I didn't get caught. 

• In Derby, it is illegal to ride an animal down any road. Which is probably why businesses aren't required to provide horse water troughs in that city. 

• In Wellington, residents are limited to four cats per household. I'm guessing I have a reader in Kansas who has more. Anybody?

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com

silly state law saturday: georgia

Appropriately timed for Thanksgiving weekend, Georgia seems to have quite a few bird issues.

In Columbus, you can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday. But what about Sunday dinner with the fam?

In Dublin, a person must obtain a permit to spread rat poison. How about we just outlaw rat poison all together and call it a day?

In Atlanta, it is against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. You'll have to find a bike rack, or something.

Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. Dirty donkeys! We've seen this law in another state.

Goldfish may not be given away to entice someone to enter a game of bingo. Oh, Grandma. You and your goldfish. And your bingo.

In Quitman, It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road. But how do they get to the other side? (I know, you saw that one coming.)

In Columbus, it is illegal to carry a chicken by its feet down Broadway on Sunday. It's much more Godly to carry them by the neck, don't you know?

In Athens, owners of mules may not allow their animal to roam around Athens unsupervised. You know mules. They can be such troublemakers. 

In Dublin, rocks may not be thrown at birds. How kind. Unless you are armed with a slingshot.

In Conyers, one may not place a dead bird on a neighbor's lawn. But what if you're just being neighborly by dropping off Thanksgiving leftovers?

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com.

silly state law saturday: florida

Grab yourself a Cuban coffee and settle in. Florida is serious about it's animal laws:

In Key West, chickens are considered a "protected species." Go, chickens!

In Destin, law states that a cat that viciously chases passers-by is a "bad cat." There are no bad cats. Only bad people who dare to pass by the house of the demon cat. I wonder if there is more than one, or just that one with a law-leveraging reputation.

Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. You'd think natural consequences would be enough.

Hunting and killing a deer while swimming is illegal. Get a boat.

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. But what if he's standing on the sidewalk? 

In Miami, It is against the law for a man to force his wife to dress as a parrot–even if she is hideously ugly. So try forcing her to dress like a peacock. Everyone knows how distracting those tail feathers are.

It is against the law to dream about another man's wife or cow. But a dream about his wife and cow is perfectly acceptable. I won't tell if you won't.

It is against the law to put livestock on a school bus. Did you know Florida has some of the lowest test scores among livestock? These poor creatures have such a hard time getting to school.

In Destin, It is illegal for an owner of a store to allow another person to pass out free ducklings in front of the store. You have to charge.

In Big Pine Key, It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught, one will be fined or will have to go to jail. Especially if you're swimming.

In Miami, it is illegal to park your elephant on 8th Street on Sundays after 1 p.m. All other times, don't forget to pay the meter!

In Miami, it is illegal to imitate animals. I'm guessing their prisons must be overcrowded with preschoolers. 

In Oakland, no ass can stand on a sidewalk within town limits. I'm not sure if this is an animal law, but let's enjoy it, anyway.

In Miami, no one may bring a pig with them to a theater. They eat all the popcorn.

Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. Well that's reasonable. 200 years ago.

Rats are forbidden from leaving the ships docked in Tampa Bay. Rats must disembark at another dock. Sorry. Don't forget to return to the ship by 6:00 p.m. for your buffet and Vegas-style show!

Termite farms are not allowed within the city of Miami. What about ant farms?

In Sarasota, you may not catch crabs. Don't start scratching, or the authorities will be on to you.

In Miami, no one may bring a pig with them to the beach. Probably because they sunburn so easily.

The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs not to be confined in cages. So that's why there is such an overpopulation of pigs in Florida! They take advantage of the system and just keep having babies so the state government will provide them with a cushy place to live. Get a job, pigs!

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com.

silly state law saturday: delaware

Delaware is known as "The First State" because they were the first to ratify the Constitution of the United States. You'd think with all that experience, they would be above these silly laws. Think again:

In South Bethany, All persons must carry a bag with them at all times when they walk their dog in case said dog "poops," or risk a $100 fine. First of all, how is it that people don't pick up their dog's poop? Ponder. If you can't deal with the shit, then don't have a dog. Or hire a professional pet sitter like me who will pick up the poop, and an extra pile someone else left behind, just for good measure. What I want to know about this law, is, what happens if I use my bag? And my backup bag? And my backup to the backup bag? The law says I only have to carry one bag. Do I have to carry around the poop just to prove I brought a bag? Will the officer believe me? "No, really, officer. he went three times and we used all of our backup bags. There's no way he's going again. Swear." In all seriousness, I want this law in Phoenix.

Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. I think the federal government needs to get involved at this point. Out of all the states we've looked at so far, at least half have this law, in one form or another. Do these poor sex-crazed creatures have no place to go? I totally understand how this exhibitionism might happen outside a tavern (maybe the law would better be about how much those shady bartenders are serving the animals), but a school? Really. And a place of worship? Shame on you, animals. Take your escapades elsewhere. Like in front of the court house. No law against that. 

Horse racing is not allowed on Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Even race horses need one or two days off per year. So take your betting to the casino. I'll meet you back at the track on Christmas.

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com.