silly state law saturday: new mexico

I've never been to New Mexico, but it is our neighbor, and we have some great friends who recently moved there, so I'm sure it won't be long until I pay a visit. Happy to know how seriously they take their animal laws.

• In Deming, hunting is prohibited in Mountain View Cemetery. Because, aren't we all thinking about hunting when we visit a cemetery. First thing that pops in my mind.

• It is illegal to gamble on bicycle races, but not ostrich or camel racing. Bicycles deserve the same basic protective rights that so many other important beings enjoy. Except the ostrich and the camel. Definitely not them.

• It is a crime to kill a song bird. All birds, get to singing!

• It is against the law to trip a horse. New Mexico just takes the fun out of everything, don't they?

• All food fed to swine must first be cooked in government-approved facilities. Since the government is doing such a great job of maintaining the safety of the human food supply, I'm sure this is a great protection to the pigs.

• It is a crime for unregistered entities to feed garbage to swine. Where do I register?

• Harassing a fire dog is against the law. Well, naturally. Who in their right mind would do such a thing? Though, now that I think of it, I can produce a pretty accurate siren sound. Might be fun to see the reaction.

• It is a crime to hunt an animal and not consume its meat. Well, at least there's that. We all know how I feel about hunting.

• The sale of subhuman primates may be regulated by the Department of Health. That's just all kinds of insulting.

• Animals taken for rattlesnake roundups and lizard races are exempt from wildlife laws. So as long as I say "I'm stealing this camel for my rattlesnake roundup, and after we're done with that, he's my date to the lizard race," I'm free to swipe him? Just want to be clear on this. Oh–wait–they don't care about camels. Well, an ostrich, then. Oh...wait...that won't work, either...I'm so confused.

• Fees must be paid on commuting sheep. So does this mean the sheep have to pay to use the HOV lane on their way to work, or does this only apply to toll roads?

• It's a crime to shoot a cuckoo. I'm assuming they are referring to the bird, here.

A javelina is no joke. image source: texasbeyondhistory.net

• One who illegally kills a javelina can be fined $400. I've actually, truly, had these creatures on my doorstep multiple times. Here in the desert, they love the pumpkins we leave out at Halloween time, and they've even been known to munch my potted plants. They are strong and bold, deserving of protection. Though you're the one that might need protection if you cross the path of a javelina. So often this all goes back to natural consequences. 

• Hunting jaguar is prohibited. All other animals should convene at Mountain View Cemetery. 

Please join us next week when we take a look at New York.

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com, dumblaws.com, and realstrangelaws.com.

silly state law saturday: kentucky

So, Kentuky. You've made a pretty strong showing in so far as silly animal laws. Thanks for the laugh:

• All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating the at the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease. This seems like a logistical nightmare to me. I mean, since the bees are too small to carry all that documentation, they'll have to hire one of those people who can write the whole U.S. Constitution on a grain of rice. And that individual would also have to speak bee, so he or she knows what the bees need, and then people at the state line will probably need some special microscope to read it all. There must be a better way. 

• Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). Shouldn't reptiles enjoy the same freedom of religion the rest of us enjoy?

• Dogs and cats may not molest cars. A cat peed in my AC vent once. I'm feelin' ya on this one, Kentucky.

• In Berea, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a "bright" red taillight securely attached to it's rump. We've seen this law in other states, so I'm thinking it's a problem we should pay more attention to? Where do you get a horse tail light, anyway? I really don't think I want to know how it's attached.

• If someone steals your horse, there is a law that allows you to publicly hang the person and no law enforcement officer is allowed to stop you. Kentuckans (is that what they're called? All I can picture is a Turducken.) don't mess around. I wonder if there's a special hanging spot, or if you can just do it wherever you please. 

* It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow. Why would someone do that? It seems like the most inefficient way in the world to fish. I'll have to ask the teen thing about the physics of it all since he's enrolled in physics right now, but wouldn't the arrow go all wonky in the water? Just sayin'. Get a pole, people. Or, better yet, leave the fish alone. 

• It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale. What is it with all these land-locked states hunting whales? Is there some whale farm we don't know about? This might be a job for PETA.

• No one may dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once. I'm truly at a loss. WhAt? Just dye the poor fella green, if you're desperate to sell. Unless there is a sudden run on blue ducks, then you'd be best in business to dye the whole lot blue. Right? 

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com

silly state law saturday: kansas

I must say that aside from Dorothy's trip to Oz (I know, chiché), I had very little knowledge of Kansas. This activity taught me quite a lot! Did you know Kansas has an ocean? Me neither! Check it out:

• It is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours. I'm sure having only a graveyard shift really limits production.

• In Lawrence, all cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival. Because the car might spook them of course. Especially if they aren't honking. 

• In Dodge City, all places of business must provide a horse water trough. I bet that makes parking tricky.

• In Topeka, dead deer or chickens may not be hauled across Kansas Avenue. Other dead animals are fine, though, so feel free to drag your deceased pets through town.

• In Topeka, driving a herd of cattle through town is outlawed. Great news for shepherds. Less traffic.

• It is illegal to hunt whales. Um, we're still on Kansas, right? 

• No one may catch fish with his bare hands. Good thing whales aren't fish, because I say, if you can catch a whale with your bare hands in Kansas, you can do whatever you damn well please with him.

• No one may wear a bee in their hat. Oh, but why? And what about a bonnet? Does that count?

• Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats. When hunting in Kansas, we'll have to find more difficult challenges, I suppose. 

• The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks. So you're saying that time I rode my mule into the deep-dark duck forest in order to snag dinner I was an outlaw? Thank goodness I didn't get caught. 

• In Derby, it is illegal to ride an animal down any road. Which is probably why businesses aren't required to provide horse water troughs in that city. 

• In Wellington, residents are limited to four cats per household. I'm guessing I have a reader in Kansas who has more. Anybody?

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com

silly state law saturday: iowa

Iowa makes up in quantity what it lacks in quality in terms of silly animal laws.

• It is illegal to hunt from an aircraft. What would be the point? Seriously...that would be more like a video game, right? It's amazing the lengths some will go to senselessly kill. Good law. 

• In Dubuque, any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building. I'm thinking one might be able to build an entire law practice out of enforcing this law. Though I've never actually tried to valet park at an Iowa hotel, so I can't say for certain.

• In Marshalltown, horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants. Um. O...kay... I think apples are cheaper, right? What in the world?

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com

silly state law saturday: georgia

Appropriately timed for Thanksgiving weekend, Georgia seems to have quite a few bird issues.

In Columbus, you can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday. But what about Sunday dinner with the fam?

In Dublin, a person must obtain a permit to spread rat poison. How about we just outlaw rat poison all together and call it a day?

In Atlanta, it is against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. You'll have to find a bike rack, or something.

Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. Dirty donkeys! We've seen this law in another state.

Goldfish may not be given away to entice someone to enter a game of bingo. Oh, Grandma. You and your goldfish. And your bingo.

In Quitman, It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road. But how do they get to the other side? (I know, you saw that one coming.)

In Columbus, it is illegal to carry a chicken by its feet down Broadway on Sunday. It's much more Godly to carry them by the neck, don't you know?

In Athens, owners of mules may not allow their animal to roam around Athens unsupervised. You know mules. They can be such troublemakers. 

In Dublin, rocks may not be thrown at birds. How kind. Unless you are armed with a slingshot.

In Conyers, one may not place a dead bird on a neighbor's lawn. But what if you're just being neighborly by dropping off Thanksgiving leftovers?

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com.