top 10 reasons dogs don't bark at santa, according to my kids

While not a prolonged yapper, our dog, N.A.S.H.A., is pretty trigger-happy in the form of short, explosive, unexpected outbursts at nearly anything. So every Christmas Eve, my littles (six and four) debate how in the world N.A.S.H.A. doesn't alert them to Santa's arrival. Sure, she'd quit barking pretty quick once he'd made his entrance; she even barks at us as we approach our own front door. But how Santa gets past N.A.S.H.A.'s initial security checkpoint is under scrutiny. 

Here are the top ten reasons dogs don't bark at Santa, according to my kids:

1. Santa is so super quiet that dogs can't hear him.

2. Santa has magic dust in his pouch that makes dogs fall asleep. Even cats and fish. 

Top 10 Reasons Dogs Don't Bark at Santa, According to My Kids

3. Santa can turn invisible.

4. Santa goes so fast that he's only in the house for, like, one second, so dogs don't even know he's there.

5. Santa gives dogs their favorite treats–like maybe steak–right when he gets down the chimney so they don't blow his cover. 

6. They don't want to wake up the children.

7. You know, like Silent Night, it has to be silent.

8. Santa is magic. 

9. Dogs just love Santa a lot. 

10. Dogs aren't dumb. Santa brings presents. But they bark at the pizza guy, so maybe that's not a good theory.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas Eve, and hoping your dogs don't scare Santa away!

the parrot who thought she was a dog: book review

I'm a sucker for a great animal book. Well, a great animal anything, really, but this is a book review, so we'll stick to that. 

Usually I go off recommendations when embarking on a new reading adventure, but in the case of Nancy Ellis-Bell's The Parrot Who Thought She Was a Dog, I just pulled it of the bookshelf blindly, read the jacked description, and decided it might be for me. 

The Parrot Who Thought She Was a Dog is a memoir about Ellis-Bell's insatiable appetite to make things right for and with the once-wild bird, Sarah, she adopts. The ups and downs of their relationship are touching at times and shocking other times, and you wonder how her husband, Kerry, and her dogs–not to mention her other critters–put up with it all. 

I could relate to Ellis-Bell, especially when the book began with a description of her childhood:

When I was a child, lost animals always seemed to find me–mostly cats and dogs but sometimes hamsters or guinea pigs. When I was six, I had a gopher friend for whom I would steal carrots from the refrigerator, then sneak outside to feed him in his burrow. Even after I became an adult, cats and dogs still gravitated to me, along with the occasional squirrel or raccoon. When I met Kerry, my family was small–one dog and one cat–but I warned him that more would show up; it was only a matter of time.

I expected it to be a simple animal story. I love memoirs and find the truth as entertaining as anything made-up. Sometimes, you just can't make stuff up. The story was anything but simple. I have cared for parrots before, but I've never thought about having one, myself. Ellis-Bell's story made me think it might just be the greatest idea ever, and then suddenly slam the door on all of those considerations. What a ride!

I think bird lovers would especially take to this story, but animal lovers of any kind or even just readers who love a story of finding love in difficult, unlikely ways will find this book inspiring. More so than a story about a bird with a mistaken identity, The Parrot Who Thought She Was a Dog is a story about a bird and a person finding the right identity. 

silly state law saturday: illinois

Happy holidays to all the animal lovers in Illinois and beyond! Though the state of Illinois doesn't offer much in the way of silly animal laws, Illinois' cities have passed some oddities:

• In Chicago, it is illegal to give a dog whiskey. But if he makes it to legal drinking age, can't we bend the rules, just a little? 

• In Chicago, it is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck. First and foremost, how does one sit on a giraffe's neck? A skill I do not possess. 

• In Crete, it is illegal to have sex with a pet dog or a canary. Specifically those, huh? I guess laws have to start somewhere.  

• In Galesburg, no person may keep a smelly dog. Smelly is a relative term, and also objective, right? Are we talking smelly good or smelly bad? I'll just slap some perfume on my pooch, and we're good to go.

* In Galesburg, there is a $1,000 fine for beating rats with baseball bats. Seriously? I don't even want to know why we have to specify "rats." Let's not exterminate anyone this way, okay?

• In Kenilworth, a rooster must step back three hundred feet form any residence if he wishes to crow. And, if you can teach your rooster what three hundred feet is, he can crow where ever the bleep he likes, as far as I'm concerned. 

• In Kirkland, bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any streets. Good luck enforcing that. May I please have a tour of the Kirkland Bee Jail?

• In Normal, it is against the law to make faces at dogs. Well, to me, it's completely NORMAL to make faces at my dog. Good ones, bad ones, confused ones, embarrassing ones, cute ones...and don't even get me started on the songs I sing. What is normal, really?

• In Zion, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals. Let them light their own damn cigars! Who do they think we are, servants?

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com.

meet the bloggers: well minded's Kristen

When I heard that a "Meet the Bloggers" blog hop was planned, I was very excited for the opportunity to get to know my fellow pet bloggers a bit better. It's almost always about the animals, so to learn about the writers is a rare opportunity. I was so excited that I forgot I'd actually have to post one about myself. Here goes...

What's your favorite non-animal related book?

East of Eden, hands down. I love Steinbeck, and this one is the best. 

What's your favorite non-animal related movie?

Oh, can't I do a top five? If I had to choose only one, it would be Shawshank Redemption. 

What's one thing you have to do every day?

That's me in the middle. I'm with my jr. pet sitters and loves, Campbell (4) and Porter (6) at last month's school Turkey Trot.

Kiss my kids. I kiss them way more than they would like. I get the eye rolls and they push me away sometimes. In the morning they tell me I have coffee breath. It does not deter me. They will be kissed. I tell them that it's a small price to pay for getting such a fab mom. 

What makes you feel fabulous?

I like to take Zumba and kickboxing, and I always feel great afterwards. 

What do you wish you were more skilled at?

Oh, lots of things, but if I was more gifted at time management, it might just make all the other things better. I tend to overcommit. 

What do you like to do in your free time?

What free time? When I make free time, I really enjoy hiking in the local mountains with my family, and I enjoy researching on ancestry.com. I also enjoy binge watching television series while folding giant laundry piles.

What is one thing you've done that you're most proud of?

Over the past several years, I have made my home a chemical-free environment. I feel that I've made a positive impact on the health of my family and my pets for having done so. 

How is your pet most like you?

My dog, N.A.S.H.A. is most like me because she loves to kiss the kids almost as much as I do. 

What can your body do for you that makes you most proud?

It's a conversation piece sometimes. I have three tattoos, one for each of my littles (those you see pictured) and one for my step-son (the teen thing) who refuses to be photographed. People ask me about the tattoos all the time, so they are nice ice breakers. 

Other than blogging, what are three things you do that bring you joy?

• I volunteer at my kids' schools.

• I let my littles sleep with me on Friday and Saturday nights, and I look forward to it.

• I love a good beer and usually have one at the end of the day.

If you didn't have your current pets, what pets would you choose to have?

I have always wanted a pig. And I would love to have chickens. I pet sit for chickens, but have never had any of my own. 

That'll do, pig. That'll do. 

Thanks to everyone who participated in the hop. I love learning about you!

koko is calm (elapsed time 0.000001 second)