silly state law saturday: montana

Montana, you're a strange one. I figured with all of the creatures roaming free that there would be some serious animal protection laws on your books. Perhaps we can call them that...

• One may not pretend to abuse an animal in the presence of a minor. Good law, but does this mean actually abusing them in front of a minor is acceptable? I'm going to give Montana the benefit of the doubt and two thumbs up for this one.

• It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone. So a sheep can't be alone in the cab of your truck because he doesn't have a driver's license or some such issue, or is it illegal for you to be in the cab with a sheep unless chaperoned by a third party? And if it's the cab of a truck, how are all three of you going to fit in there? And does the chaperone have to sit in the middle? 

• In Billings, no person shall raise pet rats. But what if they just show up? What, then? Are we to turn them away? 

• In Excelsior Springs, worrying squirrels will not be tolerated. Last week we learned that Missouri also has some very worried squirrels. What could they all be so worried about? Is this a nationwide epidemic? These poor dears need some yoga or something. 

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com

honey, i'm home: communicating your arrival to your pet sitter

Call me overbearing. Call me neurotic. 

As a professional pet sitter, my motto is "expect the best, but prepare for the worst," so I ask my clients to let me know when they are home safely. 

Why do I care?

Imagine they don't return home safely, and I don't know it. Though it's never happened in my entire pet sitting career, imagine it did....I made my last visit for the "Smith Family Pets" at noon on Saturday because they are scheduled to return at 4:00 p.m. But they don't. Could they be...

• held up camping and out of cell phone range

• at the airport with drained cell phones, no charger, and a cancelled flight

• something worse, which I won't mention

What would happen to the pets who'd been in my care if their family hadn't arrived home as scheduled and could not communicate that information to me? Who cares about pooping on the floor at this point? What about dehydration or starvation?

So how do I solve this problem? I ask my clients to give me a call or text or email when they have arrived home safely. Even if it's 2:00 a.m....just let me know. I'll see the text and go right back to sleep, and I'll probably sleep easier knowing the animals are taken care of.

Most of the time, if my clients are delayed, they let me know. I'm able to extend their visits, and all is well. 

In order to ensure they let me know about their arrival home, I let them know during our initial consult that I expect a "safe arrival" message upon their return, and it's all spelled out in my terms and conditions. I also leave my clients treats and a note letting them know how things went. That note always includes a little reminder: "please let me know when you arrive home safely." If I don't hear from them when expected, they will get a call from me, and if I don't hear back from them in a reasonable amount of time, I will then make a visit to the pets to make sure all is well. I've done this a couple of times, only to find out that all was well and the clients had simply forgotten to call. Thank goodness. 

I find that my clients really appreciate this feature of our service. It may seem silly and unnecessary at first, but once they think of what might happen if this precaution was not set in place, they immediately get on board and thank me for my insightful ways. 

Insightful and caring? Thanks! Those closest to me call me a worry wart. I'll take insightful and caring any day. 

wordless wednesday: so there

"no more woof:" are you buying it?

At first I thought it was an SNL sketch. 

No More Woof claims to be "the first device to translate animal thoughts into human language." 

Are my childhood dreams finally coming true? No...wait...this is a joke, right? Of course, I had delve in. This would either be satisfaction of my wildest fantasy (sad, I know) or a good laugh. Turns out it might be both.

No More Woof is being developed by a Scandinavian team called the Nordic Society for Invention and Discovery (NSID). They say:

The idea behind NSID is simple: The world is changing. Yesterday's giants are today's dwarfs. Only 24 companies listed on Fortune 500 in 1970 is still around. Ten years ago, Nokia was the highest valued brand in technology; nobody had heard of Facebook or the iPhone. Together with engineers, product developers and visionaries, NSID has set a goal: To find, invent and develop RADICALLY new and awesome products with the potential to change the world.

As much as I love dogs, I'm not certain that a translator is going to change the world, but we'll let that minor point slide. What might our dogs be thinking?

"Feed me."

"Feed me now." 

"Feed me again." 

"This smells good."

"Can I compare that aroma to the one emitting from your butt?"

"Don't you feel like BBQ-ing up some juicy steak for me?"

"HEY! HEY! HEY! THERE'S A DOG ACROSS THE STREET! HEY! HEY! HEY! HE MIGHT COME OVER HERE RIGHT NOW AND KILL US ALL DEAD! HEY! HEY! HEY! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THE URGENCY OF THIS SITUATION! HEY! HEY! HEY! YOU ARE THE DUMBEST HUMAN ON THE PLANET. WE'RE ABOUT TO ALL BE KILLED AND YOU'RE JUST SITTING THERE! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! UM...HEY! HEY! UM...WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT? HEY! Don't you feel like steak for dinner? HEY!"

or

"I think it's feeding time."

I'm just guessing, here. Our pooches might know the answer to world peace or the solution to global warming. Anything is possible. 

It turns out that NSID has about ten products currently in development, including a flying carpet, which totally adds to their credibility, doesn't it? They say that No More Woof is their "definitely our most revolutionary invention so far." More so than the flying carpet? This thing must really be awesome.

Check out their informational video, since I can't describe it any better:

These people are smart, attractive (and funny) dog lovers. So forget the absurdity, and let's go with it!

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT NO MORE WOOF

• I might find out what swear words N.A.S.H.A. knows when she's dead-legging me.

• Perhaps our pooches will finally claim their toots. They seem like the type to be proud of that sort of thing.

• We could learn the background and psychological history of our adopted friends (this might require a larger investment in therapy).

• We'd know what the floor really smells like.

• That world peace thing. 

WHAT I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT

"No More Woof...how may I help you?"

• How do you get them to actually wear that thing? Unless they are being paid the big bucks at a call center, of course.

• Suppose Fido wants steak and lobster with drawn butter for every meal and that's not in my monthly budget? What then? 

• What if I find out my dog secretly hates me? Will I be able to afford the therapy that revelation requires?

• What if all my dog is really saying is "HEY! HEY! HEY!" Will I be able to afford the therapy that revelation requires?

• Could this be a violation of U.S. privacy acts? We'll have to check with the government on that. On second thought, we're probably all good, there.

Even if No More Woof is not the cure for global warming, it's sure to be as much a source of good old fashioned entertainment as the Ouija Board, right? At the forefront of this device's entertainment value are the voice concepts, which can be heard on their home page. I think they've nailed most of the voice possibilities we all imagine, though I'd love to see a Spanglish option, which is how I imagine most of Phoenix's chihuahuas to speak. Perhaps that's with language development. 

In all seriousness, I love this thing! Imagine the possibilities! NSID has imagined future applications and accessories:

• Getting to personalize the device to distinguish even more thoughts, and combination of thoughts, like "Who is that woman? She looks nice!"

• Using the device to let hurt or disabled pets control artificial limbs or other appliances.

• Two-way communication. This is The Holy Grail for us. Not only should you be able to understand your pet. Let them understand you. A similar device can be hooked up on humans translating our thoughts into dog, or other animal tongue like–oh sweet thought–a dolphin!

• Recognition of advanced thought patterns.

• Uncensored edition: hear your dog spelling out its horny thought. Perfect opener in the park: "hey, bitch, wanna play?"

• The Pavlovian Training Kit (with the use of play and classical conditioning, you and your pet will understand each other even more. By letting the...(original instructions by Ivan Pavlov are provided).

So however impractical and crazy this whole shenanigan may seem, they've got it all figured out.

Want one? Here's the bottom line: You can preorder. Prices range from the ultra-affordable $65 to the nearly bank-breaking $1,200, depending on your translation needs and pocketbook. The No More Woof web site clearly lets us know that the actual product is a long way from being mass-produced, so we shouldn't get our hopes up, but these prices might be peanuts for what the potential may be. 

Go back to your childhood and just imagine...

What would your dog say to you? Please tell us!

Connect with NSID on Facebook and connect with No More Woof on Twitter.

adopt a new friend and get a free ticket: childsplay teams up with the arizona animal welfare league

I love a win-win situation, don't you? 

This past year, I became a Childsplay Mom2Mom Blogger, which means I have the opportunity to take my children to professional live theater productions, then write reviews both from my perspective and my littles' viewpoint. They ask me to review their animal-related productions, and we most recently saw The Velveteen Rabbit, which was a wonderful experience for the whole family. We're gearing up to see Super Cowgirl and Mighty Miracle next weekend. The show's main character is a stray dog...right up our alley! The Childsplay web site describes the show:

When a stray dog appears on the doorstep, it's love at first sight for 6-year-old Cory, and the last straw for Grandma Autumn. Life hasn't been easy lately for either of these two, facing absent parents and lost homes. But in a delightfully surprising story filled with humor and heart, Super Cowgirl and Mighty Miracle remindes us love makes almost anything possible, even in hard times.

Childsplay has teamed up with the Arizona Animal Welfare Leage for a unique offer. During the month of March, if you adopt a dog from the Arizona Animal Welfare League, your family will receive one free ticket to see Super Cowgirl and Mighty Miracle. How amazing is that? You get to bring home a new friend, and you get to see an awesome show!

If you live in the Phoenix area and are planning to adopt a new dog soon, please take advantage of this special offer and join our family next weekend for what is sure to be a fantastic production!