silly state law saturday: texas

Everything's bigger in Texas! Let's check out the size of their ridiculous animal laws.

• You may not tuck your pants into one boot unless you own ten or more cattle.  One boot? Must you own twenty cattle to tuck into both?

• It is legal for the blind to go hunting as long as they have someone with them who isn't blind. I'm thinking that the blind person and anyone stupid enough to go with him might not be the best hunting partners. 

• It is illegal to milk another person's cow. Is that a metaphor? I'll refrain.

• In Kingsville, two pigs may not have sex on the city's airport property. They prefer a menage a trios. 

• In Corpus Christie, it is illegal to raise alligators in your home. What a shame. I hear they make such sweet pets.

• In Texarkana, owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights. The most interesting part of this law is that there is actually a city called "Texarkana."

• Also in Texarkana, it is illegal to own a dingo, wallaby, or poison frog. Specifically.

• In Temple, no one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square. I hear the parking there is terrible, anyway.

• In Temple, you can ride your horse into a saloon. Then when you get drunk, you don't have to worry about mounting back up. And if you pass out, your horse can just take you home. This law should be widely adopted.

• Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot. Great way to save taxpayer dollars.

• It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. You need to be in the top floor suite for that privilege.

• A dog may not be left unattended on a leash shorter than five times the length of the dog, measured nose to tail. Um...and who is going around measuring that?

• Emu feathers are allowed in mattresses. How exciting. I've always dreamed of owning an Emu mattress.

• In Texarcana, each cow is entitled to one acre for himself. I want to be a cow in Texas.

• Swine cannot be kept within 500 feet of a cemetery in counties with over 525,000 people. Always known to be a horrifying combination of factors.

• It's illegal to attack a service animal. I should think this would go without saying. 

• It is illegal to fish using electrical shock. I'm thinking the dummy who does this might be shocked at the results.

Please join us next week when we look at ridiculous animal laws in Utah!

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com, dumblaws.com, and realstrangelaws.com.

silly state law saturday: nebraska

We're over halfway through our silly state law states, now, and I've yet to encounter a state with no silly animal laws. But Nebraska only has one. Well, I could only find one. After scouring all of my resources, this is it, folks:

It is illegal to go whale fishing. That's right. No whale fishing in Nebraska. 

My geography might be off, but last time I checked, Nebraska may be the very most landlocked state in the country. Please correct me if I'm wrong. 

I apologize for the lack of content this week, but I'm at the mercy of the law. 

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com

silly state law saturday: hawaii

Hawaii, you're much more a dreamy vacation spot than you are a wealth of silly state laws regarding animals. Maybe it's just that hang loose attitude. In any case, you've got a few choice regulations we should mention:

• No animal may make noise continuously and/or incessantly for a period of ten minutes or intermittently for one-half hour. Get out your stopwatches, neighbors.

• Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird. What is it that annoys birds, exactly? And why don't they just fly away from annoying people? They're asking for it. 

• No person shall buy, sell, transport, deliver, offer for sale or transportation, or possess any bear gallbladders or bile. Other bear parts are okay, then?

• No person shall permit an animal owned by such person or while in the person's custody to excrete any solid waste. C'mon, now. When you gotta go, you gotta go!

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and hawaiihumane.com.

silly state law saturday: georgia

Appropriately timed for Thanksgiving weekend, Georgia seems to have quite a few bird issues.

In Columbus, you can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday. But what about Sunday dinner with the fam?

In Dublin, a person must obtain a permit to spread rat poison. How about we just outlaw rat poison all together and call it a day?

In Atlanta, it is against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. You'll have to find a bike rack, or something.

Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. Dirty donkeys! We've seen this law in another state.

Goldfish may not be given away to entice someone to enter a game of bingo. Oh, Grandma. You and your goldfish. And your bingo.

In Quitman, It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road. But how do they get to the other side? (I know, you saw that one coming.)

In Columbus, it is illegal to carry a chicken by its feet down Broadway on Sunday. It's much more Godly to carry them by the neck, don't you know?

In Athens, owners of mules may not allow their animal to roam around Athens unsupervised. You know mules. They can be such troublemakers. 

In Dublin, rocks may not be thrown at birds. How kind. Unless you are armed with a slingshot.

In Conyers, one may not place a dead bird on a neighbor's lawn. But what if you're just being neighborly by dropping off Thanksgiving leftovers?

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com.

silly state law saturday: florida

Grab yourself a Cuban coffee and settle in. Florida is serious about it's animal laws:

In Key West, chickens are considered a "protected species." Go, chickens!

In Destin, law states that a cat that viciously chases passers-by is a "bad cat." There are no bad cats. Only bad people who dare to pass by the house of the demon cat. I wonder if there is more than one, or just that one with a law-leveraging reputation.

Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. You'd think natural consequences would be enough.

Hunting and killing a deer while swimming is illegal. Get a boat.

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. But what if he's standing on the sidewalk? 

In Miami, It is against the law for a man to force his wife to dress as a parrot–even if she is hideously ugly. So try forcing her to dress like a peacock. Everyone knows how distracting those tail feathers are.

It is against the law to dream about another man's wife or cow. But a dream about his wife and cow is perfectly acceptable. I won't tell if you won't.

It is against the law to put livestock on a school bus. Did you know Florida has some of the lowest test scores among livestock? These poor creatures have such a hard time getting to school.

In Destin, It is illegal for an owner of a store to allow another person to pass out free ducklings in front of the store. You have to charge.

In Big Pine Key, It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught, one will be fined or will have to go to jail. Especially if you're swimming.

In Miami, it is illegal to park your elephant on 8th Street on Sundays after 1 p.m. All other times, don't forget to pay the meter!

In Miami, it is illegal to imitate animals. I'm guessing their prisons must be overcrowded with preschoolers. 

In Oakland, no ass can stand on a sidewalk within town limits. I'm not sure if this is an animal law, but let's enjoy it, anyway.

In Miami, no one may bring a pig with them to a theater. They eat all the popcorn.

Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. Well that's reasonable. 200 years ago.

Rats are forbidden from leaving the ships docked in Tampa Bay. Rats must disembark at another dock. Sorry. Don't forget to return to the ship by 6:00 p.m. for your buffet and Vegas-style show!

Termite farms are not allowed within the city of Miami. What about ant farms?

In Sarasota, you may not catch crabs. Don't start scratching, or the authorities will be on to you.

In Miami, no one may bring a pig with them to the beach. Probably because they sunburn so easily.

The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs not to be confined in cages. So that's why there is such an overpopulation of pigs in Florida! They take advantage of the system and just keep having babies so the state government will provide them with a cushy place to live. Get a job, pigs!

An InLinkz Link-up

Law information source: stupidlaws.com and dumblaws.com.